From Susan Irwin:
As Robert has told you, I recently finished our latest book, "How To Put The 'Oh!' In Oral."
This book started out as a "to do" item on Robert's list, but as I was helping him with the research, I realized that I had (quite a few) strong opinions on the topic of oral sex in marriage and that it would provide our readers (both men and women) with a uniquely valuable perspective if the book were to be written from the woman's perspective.
I want to thank everyone that took the time to send such nice notes about the book and I'm thrilled that, already, it seems to be making a big difference in many of your sex lives.
Robert also asked me to follow up with some of the questions and "not so nice" notes that we've received regarding this book.
A few days ago, we received the following email and I hoped you might find my responses to its writer helpful to those of you that may have similar feelings (or a spouse that does):
"With all due respect, the best sex is between a husband and wife who share common goals outside the bedroom (especially spiritual) and communicate inside the bedroom as well as intimate communication in every day life. Closeness evolves into the best sex possible when the man is inside the woman and she experiences multiple orgasms involving her whole body including the G-spot and all. Oral sex is a cheap counterfit. It is also abnormal, and that is why most woman do not like it and most men are not comfortable with it either…"
Here was my response…
Thanks so much for taking the time to write.
As you might guess, we disagree with (almost) every part of your email, respectfully, of course.
If you would like to discuss this further and attempt to persuade us, we'd love to hear your perspectives, though.
To (possibly) start the discussion, I'll give you a few quick responses to your email and (if you like) feel free to address them.
Although I respect your "opinion" on these matters, I don't see any evidence (scientific, psychological, statistical or Scriptural) to raise your points to anything above the level of "personal opinion."
We FULLY agree with your point that "the best sex is between a husband and wife who share common goals outside the bedroom (especially spiritual) and communicate inside the bedroom as well as intimate communication in everyday life."
In all of our resources, including this book, this is our "starting point" and fundamental assumption. It is one of those points that we (sometimes too much) communicate over and over again.
Ultimately, it is not just about "the sex" it is about how "the sex" can become a relationship strength instead of weakness; how sex can make the relationship better, because a strong marriage relationship is the ultimate goal.
I'm going to assume that your statement, "closeness evolves into the best sex possible when the man is inside the woman" is a reference to intercourse (penis inserted into the vagina), specifically?
I'm also going to assume that you are defining "closeness" as "the best, most intimate and 'morally acceptable' and 'spiritual' type of bonding?
We disagree that intercourse (as defined as penis in vagina penetration) is either "the best" or "morally" or "spiritually" superior form of sexual interaction between a man and woman.
There is no Scriptural evidence (of which we are aware) that God or Scripture have placed any special "moral" or "spiritual" status on intercourse.
On the other hand, it is possible to find Scriptures that literally, metaphorically and poetically ENDORSE and "sing the praises" of intercourse AND other types of sexual interaction.
This is most clearly and obviously the case with "oral sex." The original title for this book was going to be something that made reference to verses in Song of Solomon in which the lovers are (most experts agree…OBVIOUSLY) partaking in "oral" pleasures.
These verses make poetic references to the woman's "spicy garden" of tastes and smells being enjoyed by her lover; her vaginal juices!
Certainly, there are no verses (again, of which we are aware) that imply (in any way, literal or metaphorical or poetic) that any particular type of sex, other than intercourse, is "lesser" or "less moral."
Generally, the Scriptures, when read in their greatest context CELEBRATE sex between a married couple in ALL of its variations (including intercourse).
We are familiar with the general idea that intercourse is "better" (in some way) because it appears to be directly tied to procreation.
We are respectful and understanding of the emotional and "apparently logical" reasoning that brings many of our readers (especially our Catholic brothers and sisters) to hold this belief.
Nonetheless, we don't believe that there are any truly logical/theological/Scriptural evidence that this "opinion" is supported by logic or Scripture.
The assumption that intercourse is "better" purely because it is the "most likely" form of sex that can result in pregnancy/procreation does not (in our opinion) necessarily (or logically) lead to the conclusion that it is "better" somehow.
Put simply, the idea/opinion that intercourse is the easiest way to get pregnant is not the same thing as "it is the best (or better) type of sex."
Your statement that implies that it is a normal, regular and "expected" thing that a couple can consistently achieve "multiple orgasms involving her whole body, including the G spot and all" is, in our opinion, no more than "wishful thinking."
It is the sexual equivalent of a golfer to expect "a hole in one" every time he faces a new section of the golf course.
It's "theoretically" possible that a golfer "should" have the ability to hit "a hole in one" every time he steps up to the tee, but it's "practically" and "realistically" a fantasy.
Amazing golfers (the best ever) regularly win tournaments based on their ability to score a few points less than "par" (72); if they can consistently score a 68 or 67, they have the ability to earn MILLIONS of dollars because it is such a rare talent.
Similarly, it's nice to imagine that a couple should regularly achieve "multiple orgasms, including the G Spot and all" through intercourse"…
It is (theoretically) possible, but scientifically, physiologically and realistically…a fantasy.
Is it possible that a couple may achieve multiple orgasms or G Spot orgasms for the wife, during intercourse occasionally?
Of course.
Is it realistic to expect a couple to do this, in every sexual sexual interaction, consistently?
No.
Why?
Although intercourse is the best way to become pregnant, it is not the best way to bring a woman to sexual arousal and orgasm, easily and consistently.
The most sexually charged (lead to arousal/orgasm) portions of the clitoris are, at best, INDIRECTLY stimulated during penis/vagina intercourse.
Since all female orgasms are, essentially, clitoral in nature, intercourse becomes one of the hardest, most complicated ways to consistently bring a woman to orgasm.
There is no direct clitoral stimulation provided.
Most men have to struggle with either producing an erection or maintaining it long enough to sufficiently provide the clitoral stimulation necessary to provide a woman ONE orgasm, let alone "multiple."
Unless a man's penis is uniquely shaped and of the EXACT perfect length (relative to his wife's sexual anatomy), it is virtually impossible to make contact with his wife's G Spot area.
Producing G Spot orgasms requires a certain type of stimulation (deep, hard, accurate) that is virtually impossible for a man to achieve utilizing his penis.
In reality, it usually takes between 20 and 40 minutes of accurate, very constant and pressured stimulation that many men find difficult to "pull off" using their fingers…let alone their penis.
Your use of the term "and all" leads me to believe that you are (unscientifically) grouping all female sexual anatomy and possibilities into one "bucket." And that you are assuming that there are "many" anatomical locations and ways in which to stimulate them and they are all "equal." This is far from the truth.
The Clitoris and G Spot areas are, technically speaking, the ONLY relevant and important areas to consider.
Furthermore, technically, you could narrow down the list to JUST the clitoris because the G Spot is, technically, a part of the larger clitoral structures.
Your statement that "oral sex is a cheap counterfeit" is, obviously, a statement of opinion.
A "counterfeit" of what? Intercourse?
Why is it a "counterfeit?"
I think we've (just in this email) shown that, physiologically, it is one of the best ways to provide a woman, consistently, with sexual fulfillment.
Are you implying God/Scriptures express that it is a "counterfeit?"
If so…
Why do Scriptures NOT explicitly prohibit oral sex (as it does other types of sexual activity)?
Why would Scriptures appear to ENDORSE oral sex, specifically?
How do you define "abnormal" when you say, "It is abnormal?"
Statistically speaking, oral sex is far from "abnormal" The majority of both men and women (based on studies) desire, enjoy and participate in "oral activities."
Women report a much higher ability to orgasm via oral sex than via intercourse (approximately 25% vs. 70%+)
Your statement that "most woman do not like it", statistically, is just inaccurate.
All major studies on the topic show exactly the opposite. A vast majority of women desire and enjoy oral sex…when they and their husbands are capable of making it a mutually satisfying experience.
Again, thanks so much for taking the time to write…
Susan Irwin
For more info on "How To Put The 'Oh!' In Oral" CLICK HERE
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