Become One Flesh

Recently Doc and I read a devotional that talked about the power of remembering. In marriage, there have to be good memories, do you know why? You got married. I would venture to guess that most of us enjoyed that day and the days that followed when we got to hang out with our new best friend for life. Doc and I have walked through some really hard things over the last 33 years and in the midst of those things, we can find it even more difficult to recall the good ole’ days. I sometimes ask myself, “Were there any good ole’ days?”

Relationship is difficult in every case. Relationship is always dealing with two individuals who see the world from completely different perspectives and have different ideas about what’s right and wrong. Even when remembering events we have walked through together, doc and I have completely different ideas about what it was really like. Thank God for the Bible, or who knows how we could ever settle on any truths?! I’ve had friends who have left their spouse after nearly three decades and not be able to recall any good times. I’ve had other friends who were left, and all they can recall are the good times, they don’t understand what happened. Those are two extremes, but I could tell you story after story of all the in-betweens, and the reality would still be, remembering things is simply how we see them. What we recall about any given situation or conversation is limited and we can choose where we put our focus at any given moment.

Matt and I have taken a lot of time over the past few years to remember. As we thumb through pictures and look at the highlights of our lives together, we remember the joy we had in those moments and it bonds us in a way that roots deep. When I left in 2019, it was difficult to recall times when I felt safe and trusted him with my heart. Still, even in our worst of times in marriage, we had great moments. When we reminisce about those moments rather than focusing on the yuck, it changes something inside of us. When we spend time focused on truth, lies tend to fade away. I discovered that when I started my daily habit of reading the Bible ten years ago. I would read a verse, put it to memory, and then not be able to recall it a few weeks later. Scripture reminds me to remember that all things work together for my good (Rom 8:28), but I constantly forget. “Remember” in some variation is in the Bible over 200 times. I’m assuming God knows that we will forget His promises, so we probably will forget the good times when the bad times come too. I can forget that I am madly in love with Matthew Wayne Ford with one sentence out of his mouth, and my mind can jump to him being my enemy really fast. He’s not my enemy, but we do have one and his desire for our marriage is separation.

If you met Doc and me today, you would have no idea what we have walked through to get to this healthy-er and more peace filled place. Many days, as I bask in the present, I also recall from where we came. Some of you have followed us for a while and know some about our walk together, but few have walked with us through the whole story. It can be easier to get caught up in the beauty of today and how we do a lot of marriage well. Still, we do not want to forget the things that chipped away at the stony hearts we entered marriage with. The Kingdom of God is glorified in our story of where we once were, and where we are today. The reason we are still married, and still have the hots for one another, isn’t by accident. It’s also not because we came into marriage healthy, after all we were 19 and 21. It’s because of the trials we’ve endured together that give us the opportunity to reveal the love of God to others through our marriage we see as ONE Flesh.

Doc and I are great at remembering the good times, we struggle with allowing our hearts to walk through the pain. We know that God wants to heal us in those place, those memories. He is not bound by time, so when we remember the painful memories, He shows us where He was in the midst. The Bible says that He never leaves us or forsakes us (Deut 31:6) which means that He was there then, and is here now. That concept is too great for me to comprehend, but that doesn’t make it untrue. When we remember the hard times, we glorify God for where we have come today with Him.

Anniversaries and birthdays are great times for remembering the good times. One of the ways we keep the good times alive in our marriage is by talking about them with one another, especially on special days. We have made remembering those good times a constant in our marriage so that when the hard times do come, because we all know they will, we are grounded. That is the firm foundation we stand on and when the hard times hit. I’m grateful for our foundation and God being at the center of our marriage.

“and when He had given thanks, He broke it (the Bread) and said, “Take, eat; this is My body which is broken fo ryou; do this in remembrance of Me.” 1 Corinthians 11:24