Become One Flesh

“…Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. THink about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8

This is a verse that is rooted deep in me. I used to believe that I had no power over my own thoughts, they owned me. Trauma I’ve walked through plagued my mind for most of my adult life and led me down some rabbit holes I wish I had never traversed. Once my life became more about knowing Jesus and walking in His ways, the more I realized those “thoughts” were not always my own. I love this verse because it is a constant reminder that my life can revolve around truth, but I have to know truth and the Bible says that Jesus came to set us free for the sole purpose of freedom (Gal 5:1), that includes freedom of thought. We do not have to remain a slave to the things we once believed, we can choose to believe differently.

As I was talking with Jesus this morning, we were discussing my purpose. I know my purpose in this world is to be married to Matt and to be an amazing wife to him. It took me many years of marriage to come to this conclusion, for a lot of our early years we somewhat lived separate lives. Once we walked through me on life support for a week, everything changed. My heart about being a wife and mom became my main purpose. I’ve heard several teachings over the years about marriage and one of the biggest things that stuck out to me in all of them was, my first ministry is at home. That wasn’t at all what I had been living my life for prior to life support, but once Jesus saved my life it became my primary focus. Doc is my best friend, I knew I had to learn what it looks like to be and have a best friend.

As we walked through our hardest years which were from about 25-30 years of marriage, I doubted we would make it. The “D” word came out of my mouth almost more than the “L” word. We hadn’t done marriage very well, and neither one of us had a best friend outside of marriage, so we didn’t have much practice at that either. When I say that it was Jesus who taught me how to be a friend, I mean that from the truest sense of the expression. What I knew was that I wanted to be really good at being married and I wanted him to be the most fulfilled man he could be so that when he was in public, he always felt safety from our home. During those hard years we weren’t sure how to even like each other most days, but we were on a firm foundation with Jesus in our marriage. God made all the difference.

Theres a line from a movie I won’t reference but I will share the line because it is one that became a common statement in our marriage. One woman asks another woman if she loves her husband every day, the response is “Yes, not all day every day, but every day.” What kept my eyes on the things that Paul tells the Philippians to think on was choice. We spent most evening fighting, drinking, and crying. The season and cycle felt as if it would never end. We abused one another with words that could cut down a tree. Still, in the morning, when God’s grace was new, my focus became my choice. Sober minded, I can choose what to think about and since His mercies are new each day(Lam 3:22-23), I knew He loved me and I knew that Doc loved me. I chose to settle my mind in that truth, especially when the enemy was doing everything he could to tear us apart. I knew I wanted a different legacy for our family and I knew our foundation was secure, so I would spend the mornings crying out to Jesus. My morning routine for ten years has been to start my day in the Bible. Some days it is fifteen minutes and some days it can be multiple hours, but every day it reminds me of Whose I am and who I am in Him. Once I put on that truth, I have the ability to think on what I choose more readily. I used to wake up and my mind would immediately run to chaos. Those days are long gone, praise Jesus, but I still recall how chaotic my life was all the time. Once I put truth into my heart and head, it helps me to filter things through that truth, including the pain I’d endured and caused the night before.

SInce God’s mercies are new each morning, I knew that my mercies toward Doc had to be new each morning. I spent years crying with Jesus and thanking Him for an incredible husband. Was he or is he perfect? Absolutely not. But he is perfect for me. We believe that God gave us marriage to make us holy. For years I thought “what in the world is holy? There’s no way I will ever be holy.” Becoming holy is work because we are not born that way and life challenges us at every turn. Holiness to me is choosing to focus on what is good and I knew my husband was a good man that had been beaten down by life. We all have wounds and left unmended they come out in harmful ways toward others. Typically the worst of it is given to our spouses and children. What kept my heart in love with Doc was that I focused in the mornings on his goodness. I know God gave me a man after His own heart, but the enemy loves to destroy, especially marriage. I choose to think on all the good things that have come from being married to the man God gave me rather than focus on the areas where he has let me down. Remembering the good stuff is that only way a marriage will last and we both wanted our marriage to last. There is bad stuff and we do have to talk through those times, but keeping our mind on the good will keep the foundation of our marriage solid.

“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Thought the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.” Matthew 7:24-25