When a friend who teaches sex seminars shared with me that she teaches couples to pray before sex, it was a foreign thought to me. She shared this with me about eight years ago and it took about five years for it to become a habit, but one well worth the effort. God loves sex. After all, He’s the one who invented it, and all of His ideas are “good”, or “very good” when it comes to His design of us. Unfortunately, far too many people have been taken advantage of sexually by someone in their childhood or teen years. This abuse of sex is horrendous, egregious, and evil. God gave us sex for good, man and satan have used it to harm one another and that is not okay. Gratefully, I found healing from my childhood abuse in the arms of my husband, and sex has mostly been a beautiful part of our marriage. My heart goes out to those who are still finding their way to healing with Jesus and my prayers go up for you.
When my friend offered her advice, I brought it to Hubby for discussion. He didn’t see it as unusual and agreed to start praying prior to making love. It was so awkward at first. As with a lot of new things, it felt weird starting our intimate time by talking to God about it. Hubby and I found it awkward to pray together at all for most of our marriage, but for the past eight years it has been something we have practiced a lot. We made it a practice before sex because of the things we noticed once we did. In Hebrews 10:4, the Bible tells us that “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled”, the word “undefiled” there means “uncontaminated” or “set apart”. What better way to set apart our marriage bed than offering the time, space, and outcome to the One who designed us, marriage, and sex. Fortunately, we do not have any past transgressions toward one another regarding this area of our relationship and that makes it easy to surrender all of our selves to the Kingdom. We know there is a “great cloud of witnesses” who are always watching, praying we all will follow God’s design in every area of our lives.
SInce we began our prayer journey prior to sex, what I can say it has offered me is peace. As a woman, I can tend to get lost in lists, stories, or other priorities. Sometimes it is difficult to get “into it” where it seems my husband is full throttle from the word go. We’ve learned through books and sex studies that our individual ways of seeing things, as male and female, are completely opposite. Men are microwave ovens and women are crock pots. In other words, women need a lot more to get into the right mindset and arousal for sex to be pleasurable. Men need a suggestion and they can be ready to go. I’m not sure why God made us that opposite, but I’m certain He had a good reason. Some pastors have said it’s so that men will work harder for the woman? Who knows for sure, after all, His thoughts are way above mine! Prayer has given me the opportunity to release all that is going on in my mind and invites me to focus in on Hubby. Our marriage is my main priority but there have been seasons that it didn’t look that way in the bedroom. Since we began prayer, I’ve noticed that I have a much better chance that I will be able to get focused on Hubby and intimacy, and let go of the outside things that hinder our connection. God intended for us to become One flesh, it’s the only gift you and your spouse have that you only offer to one another. It’s sacred. Because of that, prayer is absolutely necessary to create a desirable space guarded by heavenly angels. It’s an opportunity for body, soul, and spirit Oneness and it’s the best addition to our sex lives we’ve ever added. I hope that you will make it a habit in your marriage bed too!